i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
