nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
