Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
