last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
