So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
