Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
