I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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