bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
