dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize