No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I skipped work to stalk him.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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