Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
