you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
