somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
