life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Randomize
