when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
