Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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