Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
