he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
