the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
