I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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