I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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