My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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