3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
