VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
