Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
where am i from again
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
