i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
