He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were destined to go to rehab together
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
