the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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