i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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