I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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