My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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