did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
