Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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