I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
