I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
