just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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