I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
