Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
