I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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