so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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