Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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