I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
