you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
