Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize