Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
