my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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