Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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