We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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