ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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