Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
