I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
