dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
