i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize