Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
