my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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