I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
