i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
