Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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