I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
