If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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