We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize