if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
thus making me awesome and them whores
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
