i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
