Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize