I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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