He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
