Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
